Day 69. hurr hurr.

Scene opens on couple eating at a table in a cafe. Nighttime. They are next to two women, ONE and TWO. The couple is silent. They doctor their coffee.

1: Are you getting chocolate ice cream?? Gosh, I'm so particular, I never get chocolate ice cream. I'm very individual that way, about food.
You know when i was little I only drank milk and water. Like I didn't drink hot cocoa, i didn't drink lemonade, I didn't drink soda or juice or sparkling water or coffee or tea. Just milk and water. And I've only started drinking other things recently. Like really recent. Like... a month ago. Hahaha. Anyway.
2: I like chocolate ice cream.
1: So anyway for the longest time I never ate chocolate ice cream. Like at all. I don't know, it's just so.... I don't know. But i love chocolate cake. Me and my friends have this thing where we go get cake once a month, it's like our monthly cake month thing, and i always, always get chocolate. the store calls it chocolate overdose. isn't that hilarious?
MAN: (forced, quiet) Are you hearing this?
WOMAN: Hearing what?
MAN: That.... drivel?
WOMAN: Shhh
MAN: I don't know how you stand it.
WOMAN: There's nothing to stand. At least they're talking.
MAN: One of them is. In an unending monologue.
WOMAN: Harold, you never think other people will hear you talking about them, and they always do.
MAN: Well maybe they need to hear it.
WOMAN: Or maybe they're happier not knowing
MAN: You're missing the point completely.
(beat)
You know, there's self respect in being honest enough to say what you think.
WOMAN: There's self respect in not being egotistical.
MAN: Actually i think Ayn Rand would disagree.
WOMAN: You know what, go have dinner with Ayn Rand then.
MAN: I can't, she's dead.
WOMAN: (she sighs) I hate these conversations.
MAN: I don't. I loathe them
WOMAN: No wonder you alienate everyone.
MAN: If I alienate everyone, then you lie.
WOMAN: It's the truth, you push people away, and then you're misera--
MAN: No, no, I'm saying, you lie to people. You put up with them far longer than anyone else can and then you're their only friend.
WOMAN: You are so oblivious.
MAN: What are you even talking about.
WOMAN: If what you said is true --
MAN: Which part?
WOMAN: All of it, if that's true, then it applies to you too.
MAN: Are you seriously--
WOMAN: You push everyone else away. I'm the only one left. Do you still think i should stop being nice?
MAN: Yeah, you know what? I take it back. Maybe it's meaner to just pretend. maybe having fake friends isn't such a nice person thing to do after all.
WOMAN: They're not fake! I'm not pretending!
MAN: Don't get defensive.

She narrows her eyebrows.

WOMAN: looks around, sees that ONE AND TWO are staring at them.

She half-smiles and nervously looks down at her drink.

MAN: No, you know what, that's fine. Whatever makes you happy, i guess. (he leaves)
WOMAN: Same to you, then!

The women at the other table are still staring.

WOMAN: (rudely) What?