Sunday, November 29, 2009

scattered collection of textedit notes

• scientists think on wider scales. hyperbolize in terms of picometers, nanoseconds, terabytes. 

• annie dillard, who says she is "spiritually promiscuous"

"It could be that our faithlessness is a cowering cowardice born of our very smallness, a massive failure of imagination... If we were to judge nature by common sense or likelihood, we wouldn't believe the world existed." 


• from the wikipedia article about a Yale (?) professor: I can't figure if there's truth in this. I was not "disappointed" when I read Song of Myself. i was involved on the level of the words, floating up through their meaning-- I spend my time looking for those who have said things better, to learn how i can word the jumbled thoughts in my head.


"Poetic influence, as I conceive it, is a variety of melancholy or the [Freudian] anxiety-principle." A new poet becomes inspired to write because he has read and admired the poetry of previous poets; but this admiration turns into resentment when the new poet discovers that these poets whom he idolized have already said everything he wishes to say. The poet becomes disappointed because he "cannot be Adam early in the morning. There have been too many Adams, and they have named everything."

In order to evade this psychological obstacle, the new poet must convince himself that previous poets have gone wrong somewhere and failed in their vision, thus leaving open the possibility that he may have something to add to the tradition after all. The new poet's love for his heroes turns into antagonism towards them: "Initial love for the precursor's poetry is transformed rapidly enough into revisionary strife, without which individuation is not possible."


•my favorite things about the amazingness that was the swell season concert, written when i got back at midnight:

Ahahahah amazingness!!!!

OKAY, so, allie and her friend donna picked up me and chelsea from the grove, we go to the wiltern which is SUPER ORNATE and exciting and love bundles and I bought a probably non-legit tshirt in the parking lot


They opened with Fallen From The Sky--  so cute and heartfelt, like all of their music

Lies-- BELTED. loved it. 

glen: "this song is not for you" ( he then played "leave")

"this one is for those of you who the full moon pulls to play" ("Feeling the Pull" is so full of yearning and energy and restless joy) 

glen: "fuckin, i'm irish, we know about bottling it up" (before they played say it to me now)

marketa irglova's voice = lilting echo and twining high into melody and harmony


jason segel suprise appearance! 

so marketa irglova gave apparently gave him advice about writing a song: "include personal information"

Mixed up bits of the lyrics i remember: 

would it be okay, if i use my celebrity status to sleep with a swell season fan

*sings his number* *marketa walks around stage with a poster with his number largely printed* 

remember me in freaks and geeks, in forgetting sarah marshall where i showed my penis

there were no special effects, no special effects 


the woman in front of allie turning around four times to tell her what an awesome singer she is (it was pretty damn awesome)


on the sing-alongs, glen was like "yeah i know you're all fucken cool but sing" 

:D :D :D


singing regina spektor on the ride back with chelsea and allie 


• "magic casements, opening on the foam/Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.'' 


•from an interview with Glen Hansard: (i know, i'm only mildly obsessed)

Because sometimes I struggle with this idea of “Why am I writing miserable songs?”

Sadness is a very interesting idea, this idea of sadness being some kind of default setting that artists will go into. And then I started thinking about this idea of sadness and happiness, and the idea that sadness is very loud, and happiness is quiet. To use the pages of a diary, for example: The happy days are blank pages. So it’s an interesting idea that on the sad days, of course you take out your pen, and you try to figure yourself out, through art, whether it’s writing or singing a song. I only ever really take out my guitar when I’m miserable, which isn’t necessarily a very good time to do it. And so his poem really struck me. The idea that “I feel as poor O’Brien did, when turning from all else that was not his, he turned to that which was his own. He turned to his pen. And when his woes had been pawned and coined and all let in that should not be left out…” He went and he wrote about this sorrow, this feeling of not belonging. Essentially he found that grief wasn’t translated, but actually joy.

And it’s an interesting idea, when you think of the guy with the blues guitar in the bar, who’s singing “I’ve got no girl, I don’t know where I’m going to sleep tonight, I’ve lost my job.” And we’re all sitting there drinking beers and cheering him on. There’s something alchemic, if that’s the right word. There’s something transforming in the idea that you sing about your sadness, and yet there’s actually some joy that comes out of that, you know?"


Aaaah I have so much to do, stop being a lazypants is number one on the list 



Thursday, November 26, 2009

Super Rad-- Aquabats

i am sprawled on connie's bed bothering her with fast-energy music. sisters are the best. 
other things I am incredibly incredibly grateful for, in no particular order
1. things i've learned from walks alone in the dark
2. the picture looking up a coast redwood chelsea took that is taped on my ceiling
3. catching the bus right on time, and anokhy sometimes taking it with me 
4. being surrounded by people who are enthusiastic about life
5. how autumn smells
6. mysterious coincidences
7. inherited sarcasm
8. a together family 
9. poetry
10. people i miss coming home for the holidays
11. nana laughing
12. marietta and teborah
13. how when glen hansard sings about pain, it's almost joyful
14. feeling
15. occasional states of grace 
16. perfect songs 
17. (most) people i love not getting swine flu
18. Katie being a Wild Thing
19. starting out my days with the carpool (malina, julia), and then the orch french horns (victor, george, justin)
20. mr. king in general
21. liking learning
22. applications of derivatives (jk)
23. lack of (diagnosed) mental problems
24. constellations (being able to see stars once in a while)
25. band and everyone in it and ms hernandez's figures of speech and how we pick up each other's mannerisms and how much they show me every day 
26. the cat that comes to sit in the same chair everyday in our backyard
27. Dad rocking at calculus
28. Chelsea hopefully not going to Simon's Rock
28.5 Chelsea in general 
29. hot spicy sour things 
30. sleeping in
31. how many people put up with me
32. everyone in the group that assembles by sonia and julia's lockers 
33. public transportation
34. josh keeping me sane in comprog, julia making me insaner 
35. annie dillard and other writers who make me feel alive
36. the ocean
37. mom's crepes
38. how terrible movies cheer you up
39. how conversations with friends cheer you up eleventy times more
40. how ms. cappelli would tear this to shreds for lack of parallel structure 
40.5 laughing at massacres of the english language with alex
41. sunlight through trees 
42. my converse lasting as long as they did and going as far as they went
43. lessons learned from the dinkles blisters on my feet
44. leaving and coming home
45. bats
46. things that eat spiders 
47. stories 
48. things i haven't been able to say to people who know it anyway
49. calling each thing by its rightful name and envirothon
50. fog and rain
51. plans 
52. having a weirdly low voice (and singing along to rent songs)
53. friends, family, and a cup overfloweth with everything i could ever want 
54. peace where it is, and hoping for it where it isn't 
55. believing in everything
56. you. 




Sunday, November 8, 2009

Out There

I never saw Hunchback of Notre Dame when I was little, for no reason at all. 
But there's something so captivating about it, and I think Disney movies appeal as much to or more to teenagers (read, me) because Quasimodo is the ultimate teenager: for the first time seeing and wanting to experience the world beyond the one set up by his protective guardian (though hopefully, no parents are like Frollo in any other way....... any ulterior motive-d, creepy, menacingly lustful way... see Hellfire) 
And he's seeking a self amongst the constructions of the lives of people "out there"-- 

I was talking to Julia last night about how we always seem more complex to ourselves. Or maybe it's the other way around-- we always simplify everyone around us. I remember reading something -- maybe in one of John Green's books? where a character realizes that if we felt the true depth of everyone's joy and pain and lethargy and grief, we'd shut down. 
Quasimodo has the hunched back and worries about physical appearance that teens thrive on, but he's in the position to have a clouded, far-away view of Parisians below the bell tower-- 
"All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone/ hungry for the histories they show me/ All my life I memorize their faces/ Knowing them as they will never know me/ All my life I wonder how it feels to pass a day/ Not above them, but part of them" 
Other favorite parts:
crazy friends: "and since you're shaped, like a croissant is, no question of, she's gotta love, a guy like you!"
"ooh la la! she wants you la la!" 
and of course:
"we find you totally innocent, which is the worst crime of all!" Which, pretty much. 

Friday, November 6, 2009

homecoming game

people get injured a lot in football. the stands quiet down, or sometimes they don't, and dim blue and white figures huddle over the fallen. "it's a concussion," they whisper, and the football moms ask whose number it was, though they all know the names inside the numbers. 
people clap when they get up, as if they were all of a sudden better, the referees faith healing on the spot. 
it's messed up, i don't know. 

was talking to v, joking around-- actually managed with a serious face to do the "can i ask you a personal question... no, really personal! like, invasive" and then yell "WILL YOU BE MY GIRL" (obviously i should be on comedy central) and for a second! he was like, yeah, go for it, ask me if i'm a virgin, i don't care! and then....i sang-yelled, we laughed and laughed until i felt like a dick. ANYWAY....

bleh. i hate this weird like rollercoaster of energy... like, i'll be doing horn suicides with j and poking m and then i'm just sitting outside trying not to cry or fall into picturing my death, and saying i'm tired, my cover-all excuse for being still. 

swing club... is ridiculously fun. 
lots of jumps. 
lots of silliness. 


Once upon a time, there was a girl. 
She played music with paintbrushes in her lungs, color floating up through every outlet. When she played, her mind sent blackberry runners into the world, spiky and sweet. When she played, people took to clutching their children closer; taking out handkerchiefs for their summer-rain tears. And she could be sitting on a whole note, mulling it over, and her audience wept, for what she was really playing was, "I've been lying this whole time, and our relationship did ruin our friendship, and I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you, and for all the ways in which my heart fails" or skipping between the skyscrapers of space between dotted eighth rests, and really saying "To be around you is to feel like I'm dying of overexposure to being alive." 
She could be playing the saddest song in the world, and strange laughs would erupt out of the listeners; because she was remembering the time he had made her smile when she thought nothing would for a long while. 
The girl grew older, learned to listen, learned to hold back to protect people.
To adopt the mannerisms of a different world. 
And one day, the girl couldn't play-- couldn't make sound come out of anything she put her breath to. She borrowed a cello, took the bow to it, and thought only, Possibly I should not have done that, and people rubbed their elbows and sighed and said that maybe it was an off day.
And the light went out.
And the moths floated away, untethered.



Thursday, November 5, 2009

Frightened Rabbit-- Fast Blood

"..it began to rain, and it rained like fury, too, and I never see the wind blow so. It was one of those regular summer storms. It would get so dark that it looked all blue-black outside, and lovely; and the rain would thrash along by so thick that the trees off a little ways looked dim and spider-webby and her would come a blast of wind that would bend the trees down and turn up the pale underside of the leaves; and then a perfect ripper of a gust would follow along and set the branches to tossing their arms as if they was just wild; and next, when it was just about the bluest and the blackest-- fst! it was as bright as glory, and you'd have a little glimpse of treetops a-plunging about away off yonder in the storm, hundreds of yards further than you could see before; dark as sin again in a second, and now you'd hear the thunder let go with an awful crash, and then go rumbling, grumbling, tumbling, down the sky towards the under side of the world, like rolling empty barrels downstairs-- where it's long stairs and they bounce a good deal, you know, 
'Jim, this is nice, I says. 'I wouldn't want to be nowhere else but here.' "
--Huckleberry Finn